A small island called Sinistralia by the inhabitants was
recently discovered, far away from any habitable lands.  The
Sinistralian people (and I use the term loosely) are just a dash
peculiar.  They have been cut off from civilization for virtually
their entire history and have developed their own culture,
language and art.  This island nation had lived rather placidly
for centuries, their origins obscured in the mists of history. 
However, there was one event, many years ago, which is honored
annually.  Three hundred and ninety-seven years ago this fall, a
ship was destroyed in a violent storm off of their shore.  There
were two survivors, sailors named Allan and Ian, their parrot,
and a foot locker containing the ship's captain's belongings.
     Being a benevolent peoples, the islanders took the two
sailors into their community and adopted them.  In gratitude for
this hospitality, the two sailors set up a school, and with the
material from the footlocker, began teaching the islanders how to
read and write (English, of course, since the islanders had no
written component to their language).  The footlocker contained
many things, chief amongst them in importance being a Bible, a
medical manual, the collected works of William Shakespeare and an
illustrated reading primer.  The sailors lived for many years and
were dearly loved by the islanders.
     When the sailors died (oddly, within moments of each other),
the islanders gathered to discuss how best to honor these two. 
They were revered (almost as gods - having survived a ferocious
storm and having brought knowledge, health and religion), and it
was decided amongst the natives that each child born from that
day on should be brought up to be as much like Allan and Ian as
possible.  They were instructed in medicines, in the mysteries of
religion and in the language of the Author.
     This island was, as I said earlier, recently discovered. 
The material I have described comes from the writings of a noted
anthropologist, Dr. A. Bardolator.  Dr. Bardolator has also
reported a few other discoveries.
     Take their art, for example.  All of their works of art can
be categorized in one of twenty-six ways.  There is the Apple
art, the Baby art, the Cat art, up to the Zebra art.  Each work
of art is labeled with a word from one of the Author's works.  No
picture ever appears without it's word.  It is pretty
representational...  The reason for this, you see, is that the
islanders believe that words were only names for things, and
words came in twenty-six varieties.  In fact, Allan and Ian tried
to talk the islanders out of carrying things with them, for the
islanders thought that they could merely "...carry about them
such things as were necessary to express the particular business
they were going to discourse on," but they never succeeded.
     Each home has its Noam.  You see, Allan and Ian's parrot
(you recall I mentioned a parrot) was named Noam.  Noam talked
frequently, saying such things as "Ahoy, there!" and "Squawk!"
and "Colorless green ideas sleep furiously!"  Noam wasn't easy to
please (although he was eager to please), found no crackers to
his liking, and died within a year of arriving on Sinistralia. 
Allan and Ian had him stuffed, and always talked to him.  The
islanders were so impressed with the respect that the sailors
showed Noam, that they searched high and low for another parrot. 
The best that they could do, however, was to find a flock of
flamingos.  So they brought the flamingos to the village, and
every home tried to teach their "Noam" to speak.  The best that
anyone was able to do, though, was to have their Noam say
"Squawk!"  This success was enough to keep the members of each
household convinced that their Noam could one day speak.  To this
day each household tries to get their Noam to say "Ahoy, there!"
(and there is this rumor about a goldfish that understands what
the flamingos are saying...)
     Now, Dr. Bardolator is interested in writing a book about
the Sinistralians, and has asked for your help.  He wants to know
your opinion on these topics.  
     First, he would like to know a little bit more about the
artwork.  He is particularly interested in the labeling given
each work of art, and the insistence of the Sinistralians on
basing all meaning on "things."  What are your thoughts?  And
what arguments could Allan and Ian have used to try to dissuade
the Islanders from their reliance on "things?"
     Second, will any household get their Noam to say, "Ahoy,
there?"  Why or why not?